Hello everyone. Today is the 5th of January. Almost three weeks has passed since my last post. I had lots of ups and downs and these has freaked me out. I needed a bit of time to further process my last diagnosis. It will arrive the moment in which I will share it with you but now it is not the time. I’m too sensitive and I need to find a balance in my life. But I can tell you it will be quite surprising.

Last year I was lost, completely lost. I had a big shift from working and studying to only studying. I participated to a competition. I got depressed. I tried to get the best out of my day. I got finally a diagnosis concerning my anxiety disorder. I fought every minute of my existence against the demons I had (and still have) inside me. I cannot say I won, it is not a battle. I can say that I finally accepted them and understood them. It is not always easy to deal with something greater than what you think. I tried to live day by day, not put many expectation on me.

I had lots of thoughts about university too. As I am older than the average students, and I’m out of schedule, I doubted my ability to go through this path. I doubted that this was the path written for me. Even though, since I was 18 years old, I wanted to work with robots, especially to help people with disabilities. This way of thinking is very related to an anxiety disorder, and it tears you down each time you try to concentrate. It makes me doubt about my truest self, even though, deep down, I know who I am, what I want from life.

This year, unexpectedly, I was able to study, to concentrate. I started to plan what I wanted to do, and to execute it. It is not a perfect plan, but it is a guideline. I will try this month to deliver a homework and I hope it will be good. I did not force myself in this decision. I let it flow spontaneously. I gave myself time to heal, to accept what I happened to me.

My suggestion to you is to give yourself time. If you are experiencing a difficult moment in life, do not force yourself. Do not try to fit in a schema, if that schema is not meant for you. Do not compare yourself to others, it will only tear you down. Be grateful for who you are. You are special. Let your body and mind heal if they need to. Follow your dream, but be realistic of them. This is what I’m trying to do from one year, and I’m slightly getting closer to my dream. It will take time but I’m hopeful I will get to it, at my own pace. Also, be flexible. The dream or priorities you have may change during the process. Never be afraid of change.

Thank you for reading. Hope you have a nice day!