I know, I have not written for a while. I spent really though weeks. I struggled a lot with my mental health till I had no air to breathe. I felt like my body was hunted by someone who was not me. I had several crisis and I started to doubt about myself, about my worth. I had really dark days. Sometimes still it seems like I have no future, I don’t know how to explain it. It is a really bad sensation.

But.. There is a but. Despite my sorrow, I tried to go through my thoughts. I’m facing a doubt I have been having from a very long time. I’m doing several tests to find out if there is something more than merely anxiety. It does not mean that anxiety by itself is not enough. It means that maybe my anxiety is triggered by other stuffs and not only by past trauma. I don’t know, but I’m eager to find out as soon as possible.

In this moment I’m doing a trip with my boyfriend. We are in Amsterdam and I’m enjoying it a lot. Today we visited today Anna Frank museum. I do not have word to explain it.. It is the second time I’ve been there but each time I remain speechless.. Anna was strong, hopeful and a beautiful soul. She wrote to tell her story. She wrote to express her pain. She studied because she believed in her future, even though she was confined in an annex. I learnt a lot from today’s visit. And those sensations I will bring forever in my life. I also bought the diary in the original language: Dutch. It is a way for me to learn a language I’ve always dreamed of.

Despite what I’m feeling inside, I’m grateful for what I’m doing. It is not an easy way but it is worthy. Tomorrow for sure will be a better day. But also tonight will be a better night. I will try to smile at the world, like one of my closest friends told me.

Thank you for reading. I hope you have a nice day!