29/10/23

Suddenly, I had to drive for more than one hour tomorrow for a birthday. It takes place in a city far away from mine. The thoughts of driving scare the hell out of me. ‘You are not good at driving. What if something does happen and you are driving? What if they do discover that you are scared? That you are not good at it? What if you do not know the streets? What if you do not make it?’. Those thoughts are literally tearing me down. My anxiety grew. The pain started from the stomach and spread to my head. Other thoughts regarding how my friends are trying to taking advantage of me started to emerge. It is an heavy burden to carry.

But.. Is this really a problem?

My rational part tells that is not. That I will be happy to share with them the ride. That we will sing, laugh, talk. Then eat all together. Then return home. It’ll be a nice journey, a nice day. The last day of cash-freedom. From Monday on I’ll start to pay more attention to what I spend.

30/10/23

And so it went. We enjoyed ourself during the driving. I enjoyed the day. Despite the bad weather and the difficult streets, we made it through. I rode! That is very peculiar. I don’t like riding, especially when difficult streets shall be taken. I met other guys there at the restaurant. We ate a lot, drank a bit and laughs. My anxiety was still there, but I could handle it. I was able to be myself among lots of unknown people. I have started from that day to detach my anxiety from others behaviors. I have stopped interpreting reality as if everything was against me. I have started not to feel responsible for other people behavior. From that moment on, I have started to be more flexible. I have started to enjoy the present moment.

Have you ever had those sensations? If you would like you can share your opinion in the comments.

Thanks a lot for reading! Hope you have a nice day.