Hi. The past few days were a bit difficult for me. Since yesterday, I started a new journey, I’m working part-time and I’m a part-time student. So, I prepared everything I needed to make a fresh and a good start. I tidied my study room, I bought the last thing I needed for university, and I organised my time such that I’m able to track it and see how good I’m doing. But, I’m having also a very difficult period: the grandmother that has brought me up is dying.. And I’m not good to handle it. I’m too much fond of her to let her go. And it is difficult for me not to think about it and just go on with my life.

Yesterday was a new beginning for me. I was so enthusiastic in the morning that I could work, study and carry on with my life. But I failed. I’m aware that there are no such thing as failure, but I felt it was. I had the time to study in the afternoon but I was so tired, so sad, I did not have the energy to do it. I slept all afternoon and I watch some tv series not to feel alone. But I felt guilty for it, because I had a goal and I wasn’t able to do it.

I do not not If in that moment I cannot regulate myself and following what I really want to do (study), that I’m easily distracted, or I was unconsciously so depressed that I did not the energy to face that situation. In either cases, I came up with a strategy: in the afternoon I will not study at home but I will study at a library near to where I live. It’ll give me the possibility to detach the work environment from the study one and try to build a new routine, which consist of working from home and studying elsewhere. So, if it’ll happen that I want to watch something instead of studying, I’ll be forced to think twice about it because all the people that surrounds me are actually studying.

I’m really trying to listening to myself and trying to adjust my life accordingly. It is not easy, but I hope it’ll bring me to a path in life where I could be able to achieve my dreams and my goal, going on with my life and be happy about it. If you relate to what I’ve written, I have two suggestion: do not feel guilty, your body and mind are telling you something. Listen to them and adjust your life accordingly. Then, try to write it down and thing about a better strategy to understand this sensation and try to figure out a strategy to cope with it. In the paragraphs I have just written, I can state that I had I felt that way both for what I’m experiencing with my grandmother and for the effort I shall made in my new path. So, the best way, is not to be at home so that the sensations of distract myself are more difficult to follow. Each one of us may have a different strategy to cope with difficult and unwanted sensation, it’ll be not easy but I’m sure that you’ll find yours!

Thank you for writing and if you have anything you would like to share, this is a safe place to do it.

I hope you’ll have a nice day!