17/11/23

It has been a very though day. I was not able to carry out my daily routine. I got stuck at some point. I barely know why. I’m not able to control my mind. Am I going mad?

I cannot answer to this question. Lately I had more downs than ups. I see the world differently, in a more negative way. There is nothing that cheers me up. The only things that helps me is that I feel my boyfriend, family and friends near me. They give me the strength to continue fighting despite sometimes I do not want to. Most of the time I lay down and watch tv. And I’m very concern about it. I used to love doing stuff and now I’m no more enthusiastic at all.

But as I’m writing I’m feeling better. I’m acknowledging that I’m fighting, otherwise I would have not been here. I want to do better and I shall give me the time and space to heal.

18/11/23

I had a very painful breakdown. I had a crisis that I had never experienced before. I was eating dinner with my boyfriend. At some point I totally froze. Thoughts started to bounce from one side to the other of my brain. I paralysed. I ran upstairs and I start to cry so hard. I was scared by myself. I tried to tearing my hair out more than once. It hurt. It hurts now thinking about that moment. After that, I went downstairs and I told my boyfriend that I wanted to go to the hospital. I did not have control over my body, over my mind. He hugged me so hard and comforted me. I was not alone. He helped me in dealing with my thoughts. Then we watched tv together. The crisis finally ended.

Today is another day. If I think about yesterday, I feel goosebumps all over my body. My heart starts trembling. And I feel a void in my stomach. But it passed. Even though I thought it was impossible. Today I will focus on being happy, on shopping, in visiting my grandmother, and on the dinner with my father.

If you are reading and you are experiencing or have experienced something similar, don’t feel alone. I’m there with you. And I can tell you that it will pass. It may take longer than expected but it is a finite moment. Concentrate on something that cheers you up. If you cannot, let your emotions flow.

Have you ever experience crisis like that? If you want to it, write here in the comments below.

Thank you for reading. Hope you’ll have a nice day!