31/10/23. Today is day after I got my diagnosis. It seems like I do not have the strength to cope with what I have inside. I used to experience those kind of sensations when my depression was at its peak. A part of me is really hurting. Like I need badly to stay in bed. Like outside it is really really scaring and it is better to stay home. Fortunately, I forced myself to go out of bed. To eat breakfast and to write this post. Otherwise I was either in bed or watching a series, trying not to feel this pain.

I think that it is normal to have these sensations. It is not easy to accept the diagnosis. But it explained what I was feeling inside from a long time. I feel that my mind is really heavy. Full of thoughts bouncing from one side to the other. I do not know what I will do today. It really helps me telling to my closest friends that I do not feel good. They comfort me and it helps to go through in days like these. Also, I feel my parents and my boyfriend very close to me.

It is not easy to go through days like these. But I feel that I’m improving to deal with such situations. Differently from 1 months ago, today I was able to react and to accept the situation. I did not feel for not being able to study. Recently, I have started to accept myself, my flaws. I’m giving myself time and space to heal. And I start to understand that this moment, this sensation will pass. It will not last forever.

I will not force myself doing something that I don’t fell to. I will listen to myself, be patience. It is really difficult because I was used to try to have everything under control. But living in this way is unbearable. I shall live and take life as it is. But, how can I modify this way of thinking after 26 year? It hurt so bad, it is difficult. But it is worthy, because day by day I’m winning some battles. I’m growing up, I’m changing. And I’m happy to have the possibility to experience it. It is like living a new life, a more easier one. But it takes a lot of effort to change.

Have you ever experienced something similar? If you would like to share your experience write here in the comments.

Thank you for reading and hope you’ll have a nice day!