As soon as I got up, thoughts about yesterday begun to emerge. As I drank some wine, I was looser with other people. I did funny things like being pushy to taste a specific wine and I self-served a glass of wine. One side of me think that as a really funny scenes. Another part of me not. The part say mean things to me like ‘you should not have drunk’, ‘you’re not credible’, ‘you screwed the pooch’. It really hurts being aware that there are some thoughts that tries to tear you down. But this is the first time I’m reacting: I’m writing them down to understand them better.

It is not the first time that I have difficulties in waking up due to unbearable thoughts. It has happened frequently during my lifetime, and it is still happening. But I have never thought about note them down and try to understand them. Try to figure out a way to deal with them, and not hide from them. I think that my anxiety is getting better through this self-awareness writing process.

Now I’m try to tell to myself that is it funny to have such memories to tell. To have experienced what I experienced, to have made people laugh for it. That even though I may have screwed the pooch, I’m happy to did what I did. That these scenes does not define my worth. That I’m the same person that is writing this things down. That I’m the same person that will briefly start to study.

If you are experiencing something similar, try to be aware of what you are feeling on the inside. If it helps, try to write everything down and reason bout it. Try to replace the negative thoughts that come into mind with more positive one. Be kind to yourself. Try to think about that scene with newer thoughts and I hope you will feel better. If you need you can talk to a friend of yours or to your relative about it. My only suggestion is try to not be stuck in that moment with negative thoughts. Try to react to them by living, breathing, writing, talking, walking. It is not always easy but only the thought of trying is a huge step.

If you want to share your story you can write it in the comment section. I’ll be happy to read it.

Thank you for reading. I hope that it’ll help you out and have a nice day!